Your CartWe are nearing the end of another year filled with uncertainty due to COVID-19. Much progress has been made over the past 2 years, but we are still losing too many people, young and old, to this pandemic. The unexpected deaths of loved ones have had a tremendous impact on families. My heart and thanks go out to all the healthcare workers who have been on the front line of caring for COVID patients around the clock for the past two years. Caring for individuals and their families during this crisis has taken a toll on our nurses, doctors, patient technicians and all the healthcare workers involved in providing the intensive care so many have needed.
Over the next two weeks, families will be gathering from near and far to celebrate Christmas. If you have not had the opportunity to do so yet, I strongly encourage you to carve out a bit of time during these visits with your parents, your adult children, your extended family, your financial and healthcare representatives to begin having opens talks regarding your wishes in the event a medical crisis or death occurs.
The question I am often asked is, “How do I begin the conversation with family who do not want to talk about death?” As a parent speaking to their adult children, I recommend you ask them to give you 30 minutes to hear what you have to say. That it is extremely important to YOU to be able to share this information with them.
If you are an adult child bringing up the subject with your parents or grandparents, I recommend expressing to them your strong desire to make sure that, as they age, you are able to assist them when needed according to their wishes. No one can know what that looks like unless a conversation has taken place.
The conversation does not have to be morbid. Sharing or seeking this information is an act of love. Keep the initial time short if possible. I can assure you that many questions will come down the road once the door has been opened and your family/friends have had a bit of time to digest the information.
For those who refuse to talk about the subject or to listen to what your wishes are, be patient but also softly persistent. Periodically ask open-ended questions regarding the topic versus questions that can be answered with just a yes or no reply.
If you are gifting or introducing the binder to someone, the visual of the 2-inch binder can be a little intimidating in itself. The binder can actually be read cover to cover in 45 minutes because it is written in a fill-in-the-blank format. Let your loved ones know that the binder is not something to be filled out in one day. It is a process that could take weeks/months to complete and that not everyone will need to complete each section.
As I have stressed before, while having the legal documents such as a Will, Healthcare Directives, and Power of Attorney in place is an important part of this process, the documents are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the information needed to provide care while someone is incapacitated due to a medical crisis or to close an estate if a death has occurred.
Enjoy this time of family gatherings to celebrate the holidays. If possible, include some time to introduce discussion about personal wishes...when the time comes.